Unwelcome guests

I am surrounded by people more intelligent, more creative, more beautiful, more socially able and more witty than I. These nagging self-doubts are my demons. They loiter in my mind like little hoodlums and take it in turns to cause trouble.

Unfortunately they turn up more often than I’d like and when two or more of these unpleasant ‘friends’ rear their ugly heads together, my fragile ego and self-regard is toppled.  When all of them arrive at once I am totally floored.

Of course my aforementioned lack of intelligence and social ability means that once they arrive I can’t get rid of them! So they stay as long as they like; drinking my drink, eating my food and generally wreaking havoc.

Most recently they gatecrashed a lovely family wedding I went to when Danny’s cousin Al married her Andy. She deserves this happiness so much and the day was full of joy and emotion and colour.

wedding cards collage

Beforehand a small group of us worked hard to help Al and Andy create their special day. I made cakes (the best use yet of our crop of blackberries) and arranged flowers. It was great to get my baking mojo back and after creating 20 table arrangements of herbs and wax flowers I think I can now create an adequate tied bunch.

wedding collage

Danny was my invaluable backup as ever. He lets me shine and create while he quietly beavers away and helps make my good things happen. By the end of Friday I felt great about what we’d achieved and like everyone was excited for the next day. I couldn’t sleep for goodness sake!

But I was aware that my unwanted friends were also smartening up and getting ready for the big day. I think perhaps their invite arrived at just about the time I felt good about myself?

Come the day, Al and her daughter Isabel, who are beautiful on the worst of days, surpassed even themselves. They looked stunning.  Andy, the guests (and their super cool vintage cars) looked amazing and our lucky girls were bridesmaids, along with little Ruby. They joined the ranks of the beautiful and I was almost overwhelmed.

wedding bridesmaids

And as we (I at least) often do at such occasions I held a mirror up to myself and I did not like what I saw. That’s when those unwanted friends of mine arrived. They came while I was getting ready, stayed all day and gradually pushed the other wedding guests away. As the day wore on I saw less of the celebrations and more of my uninvited friends.

wedding band

The Carraways play their hearts out.

Unfortunately, like most unwanted guests they then refused to leave. And since I don’t know how to despatch them, I just waited and hoped for them to go, wishing they’d leave me alone. Eventually they did but it took about a week. I’m not sure what made them go, I just realised one morning that they’d gone. A relief.

I think most of us have unwanted guests like these who come to visit from time to time, but some people are able to overcome them or ignore them more easily than others. So I’d like to develop a strategy for dealing with these unwelcome friends in future, or rather, develop some strategy which would be better than no strategy at all, as I’ve had until now.

Perhaps this blog post is a start? This is the first time I’ve ever viewed these self-confidence issues of mine as unwelcome guests. Maybe giving them an identity will help me deal with them in future. Maybe I can just tell them to leave. I’ve never been very good at telling people to go away but maybe I need to learn.

Then perhaps one day they’ll leave me alone to celebrate and enjoy occasions without their interference and maybe one day they’ll stop coming at all. Now wouldn’t that be nice!

Finally, it is important to say that despite these unwelcome wedding guests of mine, it was a beautiful day that I wouldn’t have missed for anything and will remember for all the right reasons.

wedding group

Big love and congratulations Al and Andy x



6 Responses to “Unwelcome guests”

  1. Miklos Kiss Says:

    Jolly good read matey. I am also blown away by the events you describe. ‘Like!’

  2. Marie Says:

    Clare, that was such a fantastic way of describing those horrible, negative voices lots of us hear! Think you have brought to life these little people, that I for one will find far easier to battle with, or even help them realise that it’s not very nice to make anyone feel crap about themselves!! Ooops, think I am going a bit far with this, in my head I am now having them round for tea and cake to talk about the negative, horrible things they say……. xxx

    • eethree Says:

      Thanks so much Marie. I think putting a face to these monsters might really help. Love that you want have tea and a chat with them. I wandered down the same path in my mind and then caught myself and thought NO! You are supposed to be being tough. What are we like…

  3. Linda Carmody Says:

    Hallo Clare, was listening to someone talk about their own little voice on the beeb this morning. We all have them. Interestingly he said cognitaive therapy was helpful in learning how to turn them around. Now I know absolutely nuffiunk about this but I thought it a nice co-incidence and thought I would pass it on.

    Love to everyone and what a lovely wedding!!!!! I am so into the green dresses, the blackberry cupcakes and wish I could hear the Carraways!

    • eethree Says:

      Hi Linda, the programme sounds very interesting, I’ll try and track it down.

      Of course I understand that everyone has their own demons – I just hope that ‘baring all’ and writing about mine might help someone else as well as myself.

      Yes, the wedding was beautiful and so glad the girls got to be bridesmaids x

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